Our man in the Netherlands

Holland is a soap, a wonderful but boring soap and therefore it seems cleaner than it actually is. The Dutch themselves know this and their survival intelligence has taught them to consider every countryman a Lying Dutchman. The finger in the dyke is not a metaphor for things coming in; no, it’s to prevent things getting out. The former number one slave traders are trying amazingly hard to be the best student in the classroom. And amazingly often they get away with this. Nederland: it is a country and western. When it moans and complains just let it be. Small country, cute, adorable, lovable. The Germans have always loved their tiny neighbour. The Germans have always had more help from their Dutchmen than they expected. Even then. Yes, there used to be quite a large Jewish community in the business cities of Holland. And nowadays it’s not even worth mentioning. Which is of course typical Dutch. The story goes the Netherlands inhabit more pigs than people. This is not true. The people outrank the pigs by five million. Of these people six percent is muslim. The pigs win, hurray. Every year the Dutch government comes with promises. The date changes every year: it’s the third tuesday in September. The queen does her show this day and even the lousy Dutch soccer must step aside for this event in the media. Of course a lot of these promises are made hoping they will be forgotten. It’s still a democracy and charity is in the eye of the beholder. All kinds of wise men get hired to make up pretty words to conceal the silent inflation. It’s still a democracy, you are allowed to cost money. Not cutting down a tree is more expensive than cutting it down. People in the Netherlands with no jobs can spend their dear time making beautiful banners and go on the streets to jam parts of the economy. This is what is called free speech and it is calculated in the taxes. Everybody pays. I’ll give you the colours of the Dutch flag: smudgy red, grey and smudgy blue. It’s a rainy country. And bothering is no Dutch invention. Say cheese.